Tortallan songs
by thekeeperofwords
Summary: I changed the lyrics to songs that apply to Tortall, making them into funny little stories! better than it soudns. please r/r!
1. Goodbye, George!

(hahahahaha sorry all you Goerge Cooper lovers. If you read my stories you can see I don't really like him. At all. So this is a songfic I wrote to the tune of Dixie Chicks "Goodbyre Earl". I know some of it doesn't rhyme, but it's the thought that counts. And its not really a sonic. it's a song I changed the lyrics to. Theres not really a story in it. And when I use the word "rape" I mean that he forced a kiss on her. I hope it doesn't offend anybody. Haha this song is dedicated to **Sarah**, Molly, **Julia**, Sharon, Veronica, Sarah, and any other George lovers that I forgot. LONG LIVE JON AND RAOUL)

Jon and Alanna were the best of friends

All through their knighthood days

Both members of the King's Council

Both active in chivalry.

After she get her shield, Alanna went out

Looking for a bright new world

Jon had to stay around the palace

And deal with George.

Cuz it wasn't 2 weeks before then that George had raped Alanna

And Jon got really pissed

And by all her close friends,

That lady knight was missed.

Well Jon finally got the proof to file for arrest

He let the provost take it from there

But George used his sneaky ways

And escaped by just a hair.

Right away Alanna come back to Corus on a redeye midnight ride

She held Jon's hand

And they made-out (hehe) and planned

And it didn't take them long to decide:

THAT GEORGE HAD TO DIE

Sha na na na naaa naaa goodbye, George!

That Shang Dragon!

He seemed alright to me, George!

Feelin' pain? Why don't you lie down and sleep, George!

Ain't it dark. Wrapped up in that bedroll, George?

The provost came by to bring George in

He searched the Dancing Dove high and low

The he tipped his hat and said : Thank you, Highness

If you hear from him let me know!

Well some wars went by 

And Spring turned to summer

And summer faded into fall

As it turned out George was a missing Thief who nobody missed at all!

So Jon and Alanna got married and lived happily ever after 

and they didn't lose as sleep at night

****

Cuz George had to die!


	2. Bad reputation

(A/n: I'm back with another song! I changed the lyrics, of course. But I'll give credit to Joan Jett. This is her song "Bad Reputation". 'A' is Alanna, 'RGA' is Raoul, Gary, Alex. Then Jon, Liam, and George have a solo! The 'RGAJLG' is Raoul, Gary, Alex, Jon, Laim, George)

A: I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation  
You're living in the past it's a new generation  
A girl can do what she wants to do and that's  
What I'm gonna do  
An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation

A: Oh no 

RGA: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGA: me me me me me me 

A: An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation  
Never said I wanted to improve my station  
An' I'm only doin' good  
When I'm havin' fun  
An' I don't have to please no one  
An' I don't give a damn  
'Bout my bad reputation

A: Oh no, 

RGA: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGA: me me me me me me   


A: Oh no, 

RGA: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGA: no no no no no no

A:I don't give a damn  
'Bout my reputation  
I've never been afraid of any deviation  
An' I don't really care  
If ya think I'm strange  
I ain't gonna change  
An' I'm never gonna care  
'Bout my bad reputation

A: Oh no, 

RGA: no no no no no no

A: not me  
RGA: me me me me me me 

A: Oh no, 

RGA: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGA: me me me me me me 

A: Hello, boys!

*Alanna teasingly caresses Jon, Liam, and George's cheeks. Jon and Liam draw themselves up with dignity. George leans forward and drools*

A: An' I don't give a damn  
'Bout my reputation  
The Eastern Lands are in trouble  
There's no communication  
An' everyone can say  
What they want to say  
It never gets better anyway  
So why should I care  
'Bout a bad reputation anyway  


A: Oh no, 

RGAJLG: no no no no no no

A: not me  
RGAJLG: me me me me me me 

A: Oh no, 

RGAJLG: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGAJLG: me me me me me me 

A: I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation  
You're living in the past  
It's a new generation  
An' I only feel good  
When I got no pain  
An' that's how I'm gonna stay  
An' I don't give a damn  
'Bout my bad reputation

A: Oh no, 

RGAJLG: no no no no no no

A: not me  
RGAJLG: me me me me me me 

A: Oh no, 

RGAJLG: no no no no no no

A: not me

RGAJLG: me me me me me me 

A: not me!


	3. Crush

(A/N: I know, I know…this isn't exactly following the changing-word format, but the words don't need to be changed! This song (by Mandy Moore) is about Kel's crush on Neal during Page. Woohoo!

You know everything that I'm afraid of

You do everything I wish I did

Everybody wants you, everybody loves you

I know I should tell you how I fell

I wish everyone would disappear

Every time you call me, I'm too scared to be me

And I'm too shy to say

Ooh, I got a crush on you

I hope you feel the way that I do

I get a rush

When I'm with you

Ooh, I've got a crush on you 

A crush on you

You know, I'm the one that you can talk to

And sometimes you tell me thing that I don't want to know

I just want to hold you

And you say exactly how you feel about her

And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

Ooh, I got a crush on you

I hope you feel the way that I do

I get a rush

When I'm with you

Ooh, I've got a crush on you 

A crush on you

Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody

But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows

I've got a crush on you

A crush on you, I got a crush

You say everything that no one says

But I feel everything that you're afraid to feel

I will always want you, I will always love you

I've got a crush...

  



	4. Fighter

(A/n: wow, I like writing them about Alanna…. Fighter by Christina Aguilera. This one is about Alanna and Liam!!! P.s. read my story: We Will Miss Them!!! And for all my other readers I will try to write an epilogue for Life Behind Enemy Lines)

When I, thought I knew you  
Thinking, that you were true  
I guess I, I couldn't trust  
'Cause your tolerance time is up  
'Cause I've had enough  
You were, there by my side  
Always, down for the ride  
But your, joy ride just came down in flames  
'Cause your fear sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the fighting and mistrust  
You probably think that I hold resentment for you  
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong  
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do  
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through  
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming  
All of, your backstabbing  
Just so, you could cash in  
On a good thing before I realized your game  
I heard, you're going around  
Playing, the untouchable now  
But don't, even begin  
Feeling I'm the one to blame  
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies  
Yes you wanted to love me but that won't work anymore  
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over  
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your tries  
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down  
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
Makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
It makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter


	5. Be Prepared

[Roger:] I know that your powers of retention

Are as wet as a warthog's backside

But thick as you are, pay attention

My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions

The lights are not all on upstairs

But we're talking kings and successions

Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime

Be prepared for sensational news

A shining new era 

Is tiptoeing nearer

[Alex:] And where do we feature?

[Roger:] Just listen to teacher

I know it sounds sordid

But you'll be rewarded

When at last I am given my dues!

And injustice deliciously squared

Be prepared!

[Josiane:?] Be prepared for what?

[Roger:] For the death of the king!

[Delia:?] Why? Is he sick?

[Roger:] No, you fool, we're going to kill him... and Jonathan too!

[Josiane:?] Great idea! Who needs a king?

[Alex, Delia, Josiane, Ralon:] No king, No king, nah nah nah nah nah nah!

[Roger:] Idiots! There will BE a king!

[Ralon:?] But you just said...

[Roger:] *I* will be king!

Stick with me, and you'll never be poor again!

[Cronies:] YEA!!!!!! Long live the king!

It's great that we'll soon be connected

With a king who'll be all-time adored

[Roger:] Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected

To take certain duties on board

The future is littered with prizes

And though I'm the main addressee

The point that I must emphasize is

You won't get a sniff without me

So prepare for the coup of the century

Be prepared for the murkiest scam

(Ooooh!)

Meticulous planning

(We'll have power!)

Tenacity spanning

(Lots of power)

Decades of denial

(We repeat)

Is simply why I'll

(Endless slaves)

Be king undisputed

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

respected, saluted

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

And seen for the wonder I am

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

Yes my sword and ambitions are bared

Be prepared!

[Cronies:] Yes, our sword and ambitions are bared

Be prepared!


	6. Stuck

(A/n: the return of TSF! This one is about Alanna's thoughts about Jon right after/at the end of WWRLAM: Stuck, by Stacie Orrico.

I cant get out of bed today 

Or get you off my mind 

I just cant seem to find a way to leave the love behind

I ain't lyin'

I'm just missin you 

You know what I'm saying 

You know what I mean 

You kept me straining on a leash

Why you make me cry

I tried to give u loyalty

And you return it, too

I ain't lyin' 

I'm just missin you

You know what I'm saying 

You know what I mean 

Every now and then

When I'm all alone 

I've been wishing you would send me a messenger 

Say you want me back 

But you never do 

I feel like such a fool 

There's nothing I can do

I'm such a fool for you 

I can't take it 

What am I waiting for 

My heart's still breakin

I miss you even more 

And I can't fake it 

The way I could before 

I hate you 

but I love you 

I cant stop thinkin of you 

It's true, I'm stuck on you 

Now love's a broken sword That's been swingin' in my head 

I keep fighting Yesterday

Why we got to play these games we play?

I aint lyin'

I'm just missin you 

You know what I'm saying 

You know what I mean 

Every now and then 

When I'm all alone 

I've been wishing you would send me a messenger

Say you want me back 

But you never do I feel like such a fool 

There's nothing I can do

I'm such a fool for you 

I can't take it

What am I waiting for 

My heart's still breakin

I miss you even more 

And I can't fake it 

The way I could before 

I hate you 

but I love you 

I can't stop thinkin of you 

It's true, I'm stuck on you 

Every now and then

When I'm all alone

I've been wishing you would send me a messenger

Say you want me back 

But you never do 

I feel like such a fool 

There's nothing I can do 

I'm such a fool for you

I can't take it 

What am I waiting for

My heart's still breakin

I miss you even more 

And I can't fake it 

The way I could before 

I hate you 

but I love you 

I cant stop thinkin of you 

I hate you

but I love you 

I cant stop thinkin of you 

I don't know what to do

I'm stuck on you


	7. Prince Kaddar

Make way for Prince Kaddar

Say hey! It's Prince Kaddar

Hey! Clear the way from near to far!

Hey you!

Let us through!

It's a bright new star!

Oh Come!

Be the first on your street to meet his eye!

Make way!

Here he comes!

Ring bells! Bang the drums!

Are you gonna love this guy!

Prince Kaddar! Fabulous he!

Not like his uncle

Genuflect, show some respect

Down on one knee!

Now, try your best to stay calm

Just touch your head to your palm

Then come and meet his spectacular coterie

Prince Kaddar!

Mighty is he!

Not like his uncle

Will make ten slaves ten regular men, definitely!

He faced ol' Ozorne's wrath

As the dinos knocked down the bath

Who saved Carthak from its doom?

Why, Prince Kaddar

He's got seventy-five golden camels

You should see his

immortal's menagerie

When it comes to exotic-type mammals

Has he got a zoo?

I'm telling you, it's approved by Daine Sarrasri!

Prince Kaddar! Handsome is he, not like his uncle

That physique! How can I speak

Weak at the knee

Well, get on out in that square

Adjust your vein and prepare

To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Kaddar!

(There's no question this Kaddar's alluring

Never ordinary, never boring

Everything about the man just plain impresses

He's a winner, he's an intimidation, powerful!

He's about to pull my slaves away!

And I absolutely love the way he dresses!)

He's got ninety-five white Copper Isles marmosets 

(He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys)

And to view them he charges no fee

(He's generous, so generous)

He's frees slaves, he pays servants and flunkies

(Proud to work for him)

They bow to his whim love serving him

They're just "mute" with loyalty to Kaddar! Prince Kaddar!

EMPORER Kaddar!

Amorous he! Not like his uncle

Heard Kalasin was a sight lovely to see

And that, good people, is why he signed the treaty made by:

Gareth of Naxen, the Duke with the Gift

King Jon the sexy

Raoul, Alanna, and more

Kaddar's got tons of money, land, the aviary's

birds that warble on key

Make way for Emporer Kaddar!


	8. Circle of Life

(A/n: this was written by my friend about Jon's Coronation day. It's Elton John's Circle of Life

From that day Jon would take the crown

And proudly step onto the throne

There's more trouble here than can ever be seen

More to do than can ever be done

There's far too much to take in here

After all that we have been through

But the sight of him there

Of Roger we would not scare

We stay united to protect the one…

It's the precious beginning

And it affects us all

Though we lost much

We will grow strong again

When we gain our ground

On the path unwinding

In the circle 

The circle of life


	9. Last Kiss

(A/n: wow, I haven't written anything in a LONG time. But I'm just recovering from a hand injury, so…anyway, this is a very sad song. Alanna and Jon forever!!!! Last Kiss by Pearl Jam)

Oh, where oh where can my champion be?   
The Black God took her away from me   
She's gone to the Realms, so I've got to be good   
So I can see Alanna when I leave this world.   
  
We were out for a ride on the Grand Progress   
We hadn't ridden very far   
There in the road, up straight ahead   
A bunch of Scanrans wanted us dead   
I couldn't stop, so I called for the fight   
I'll never forget the sound that night   
The screamin' arrows, the whistlin' swords   
The painful moan that I heard last.   
  
Oh, where oh where can my champion be?   
The Black God took her away from me   
She's gone to the Realms, so I've got to be good   
So I can see Alanna when I leave this world.   
  
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down   
There were people standing all around   
Someone's Gift going through my eyes   
But somehow I found my baby that night   
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said   
"Hold me, Jon, just a little while."   
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss   
I found the love that I knew I would miss   
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight   
I lost my love, my life that night.   
  
Oh, where oh where can my champion be?   
The Black God took her away from me   
She's gone to the Realms, so I've got to be good   
So I can see Alanna when I leave this world.   



	10. Wrong Way

(A/n: Um….a VERY strange little D/N song to Sublime's "Wrong Way." its kind of hard to just read, so I recommend listening to the song too. And I don't ACTUALLY think D/N is wrong…Numair just did at first. So…review!)

Daine's 13 years old in two more she'll have scored   
Nobody ever told her it's the wrong way   
Don't be afraid if your bed gets made  
because the maids get paid   
It's the wrong way 

I gave her all that I had to give   
I'm going to make it hard to live   
Big salty tears running down her chin   
I didn't know not to mention magic  
Five years later I'm pressed against her lips   
Kissing her lips   
It's the wrong way   
Strong if I can but I am only a man   
So I protect her all I can   
The only family she ever had   
Was her Beautiful , kind mother and her old grand-dad  
Then bandits killed them and it put her on the street   
Everything was going bad till the day that she met me   
Daine are you forlorn, want me to kill Ozorne?   
I'll give Perin some scorn, the wrong way   
We talked all night and tried to make it right   
Believe me we are tight   
It was the wrong way   
So run away if you don't want to stay   
Cause I ain't here to make you   
It's up to you what you really want to do   
Spend some time in Galla   
Skinners came so we ran away   
And I love you when I say that to this very day   
It was the wrong way   
Now we're in love, which is what I always wanted  
Cause she only wants the wrong way   



	11. Noble Girl

(*sighs* I'm writing a lot about George lately. Or actually…not-writing is the better term. But anyway…George on his views about courting "his own sweet lass". 'Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel)

Noble girl  
She's been living in her palace world  
I bet she never had a common guy  
I bet her friends never told her why  
  
I'm going to try for an noble girl  
She's been living in her noble world  
As long as anyone with hot blood can  
And now she's looking for a common man  
That's what I am  
  
And when she knows what  
She wants from her life  
And when she wakes up  
And makes up her mind  
  
She'll see I'm not so tough  
Just because  
I'm in love with an noble girl  
You know I've seen her in her noble world  
She's getting tired of her high class toys  
And all her presents from her high class boys  
She's got a choice  
  
Noble girl  
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls  
But I can steal them when a merchant comes in  
And she knows what kind of guy I've been  
And then I'll win  
  
And when she's fighting  
She's looking so fine  
And when she's talking  
I'll know that she's mine  
  
She'll say I'm not so tough  
Just because  
I'm in love  
With and noble girl  
She's been living in her noble world  
As long as anyone with hot blood can  
And now she's looking for a common man  
That's what I am  
  
Noble girl  
She's my noble girl  
You know I'm in love  
With an noble girl  
  
My noble girl  
Don't you know I'm in love  
With noble girl  
My noble girl  
Don't you know I'm in love  
With an noble girl  
My noble girl


	12. Calling Pirates Swoop

(A/n: a little thing that I KNOW happened between Jon and Alanna during Squire)

I spent last night in the arms  
Of a girl in Corus  
And though I'm out on the Progress  
My thoughts are still with her  
Such a strange combination of a woman and a warrior  
Such a strange situation stoppin' every hundred miles  
Callin' Pirate's Swoop  
  
A replay of last night's events  
Roll through my mind  
Except a scene or two  
Erased by sweet red wine  
And I see that we stopped up ahead  
So I speed up  
I need a cup of hot tea  
Actually, put whiskey in that cup  
Callin' Pirate's Swoop  
  
(chorus)  
Numair won't you put me on through  
I gotta' send my love down to Pirate's Swoop  
Hurry up won't you put her on the scry  
I gotta' talk to the girl just one more time.  
  
Hello Alanna dear, I hope you're feelin' fine  
And it won't be long until I'm with you all the time  
But until then I'll spend my money up right down to my last noble  
Callin' Pirate's Swoop.  
  
*chorus*  
Callin' Pirate's Swoop  
Sweet Pirate's Swoop, my Pirate's Swoop


End file.
